Bittersweet

On Monday I finally made it up to the school to register my kids; I can't believe my babies will be in 1st and 4th grade! As I mentioned a few posts back I was working at a private christian school as a pre-k teacher's assistant. I had been there for three years and I really did enjoy my job up until this last year, here I thought new teacher to work for should be good because hey we both started at the same time and she was an aide too. WRONG! Ok well at first it was pretty good but then it slowly started to change and things just got weird, actually know what the problem was 1 aide for 2 teachers. Both classes were much smaller this past year and so really 1 aide was all they needed, but I think one of them (the one who was an aide) just couldn't get used to the idea of having to share. Hmmmm if I remember isn't that what we're supposed to teaching these little guys. Anyways what started off as slightly annoying just turned into pettiness which got this lady into b*^%h mode; or at the time my friend and I called it the Mamma Bear since I was preggo and hormones were raging. But in all fairness to my hormones she really was being an ass. I mean here I am in my 2nd and 3rd trimester and she has the nerve to ask me to get on a step stool to do bulletin boards; yes it's my job but my baby is more important than posting up artwork. It got so bad she would ask the other aide (for 1st) why she was doing it and not me! Are you freaking kidding me maybe so I don't fall on myself. Anyway after all of the crap and some issues my DD1 was having I made the decision to quit and really it was the smart thing to do because after paying for two kids tuition and two kids at a sitter I would have like $25 to my name; no thanks.

As happy as I was and still am to be able to stay home with my two babies I am sad that I had to take my kids out, and sad that I won't be seeing the friends I have made everyday, especially Natalie. Her and I have been thru a lot the past couple of years and its been a lifesaver having her there for me, and yes we still talk but I still won't get to see her everyday (just not the same). But the hardest thing for me is not being able to be with my kids everyday at school. One of the best things about working there was getting to see my kiddos throughout the day and just know that I'm there if anything goes wrong or they just need a little word of encouragement. And even though I've been thru separation with DD1 I have not been thru this with Bud, and honestly I don't know if I can. Haha a little dramatic, but I haven't had to leave him with his teacher and just walk away and hope that he has a great day! And I'm sure I'll be the only mom in the first grade hall crying and I'm sure some mom will be thinking "umm didn't she get this out of her system LAST YEAR when her kid started kindergarten." So yes this starting school year is bittersweet but it will be a good one and if not then have all of you to blog/cry to about it.

Letting Go

Ok so you know yesterday I told y'all about Sweet Pea starting school--today will about me "letting go".  I think I told y'all how she wanted to walk in by herself on the second day and I just wasn't ready but I did on the third day.  So here it is day 3 and she's asking me if she can walk in and I grudgingly say yes because I know how much she wants to be a "big girl".  And before you wonder yes I watched her walk inside before I drove off.  Well the afternoon has rolled around and I went off to go and pick her up and I left early enough to be the third person in line.  The lady comes up to me with a walkie-talkie and asks me her name and then they call over the radio.  So I'm sitting there waiting watching kids come out but I still don't see mine, and as you can imagine I'm starting to freak out just a little bit.  I'm thinking surely they would have called me if she didn't make to school that morning-right?  Well as I'm worrying about all this a lady asks me if they have called her and I said yes but she's isn't here yet so they call her again over the radio.  And to put all my ease at bay here comes my little girl with a huge grin on her face.

So now about letting go--I know it's normal to worry because crazy things happen everyday but I'm also trying to keep my worrying under control and telling myself that she will be ok even though I'm not there watching over her.  However saying this I still think I will worry when either one of kids are spending the night at my mom's or sister's.  It's not that I don't trust either one of them because I really do it's just I feel better when they are with me and David.  Please tell me I'm not alone in my thinking.

Hello Again

I know it has been ages since I've posted and honestly I have been pretty busy.  If I remember correctly when I was last on here I told y'all about my new hobby-quilting.  Let's just say it's been keeping me very busy and I absolutely love it; I have some that are pretty much done except for the binding.  Each one has gotten better but I'm no where near what you see at a quilt shop, but you know what I don't care because I love it and even though it's not perfect it still looks good to me.

Now on to some new and big news....Sweet Pea started Kindergarten last Monday!!!!!  I can't believe my little girl is in school.  Of course you know we did the meet the teacher night and you know I had her looking cute and I also laid out her outfit the night before.  Luckily for me David was off so it was a family affair; ok well him and Monkey sat in the car because well he can be a toot and that's putting it nicely.  Anyway we had a big breakfast and then it was off to school.  As you can imagine it was crowded but that's ok because I wouldn't miss walking her in for anything.  We walked in and she put her stuff away and I took a picture of her with her teacher and wouldn't you know right after she took off to go play.  So I of course asked her for a hug and kiss and she obliged and said "bye mom I'll see you after school."  I make it out of the school and get into the car and David asks me how it went and then that's when the tears started.  I just couldn't and still can't believe that my baby girl is in school, I mean where did all the time go.  As of now she considers herself a pro because from day 3 I have let her walk in all by herself because you know she's a big girl in school now and that's what they do.  Of course she wanted to do this on day 2 but I had to walk her in just one more time.

Mama Ewww!

I know I've mentioned before that Monkey likes to stick his hand down his diaper; I guess he has an itch or like most men just likes to do it.  Anyway we've been trying to break him of it but now I'm more than determined.  A couple of weeks ago he hurt his hand somehow and came up to me so I could kiss it--well luckily before I did I noticed a faint smell.  I looked at his hands and at first I thought he had dirt under his fingernails; well it wasn't it turned out it was poop.  Now as gross as that was it's not as bad as my next story.

Ok so last week I'm sitting in the kitchen watching t.v. when Monkey comes up to me and he says "Mama ewww!"  I look down and he has poop all over his hands and not the dry stuff either.  Oh man I wanted to puke but I picked him up and rushed him to the bathroom to rinse of his hands and then I changed him and gave him a bath.  Now I have told everyone (family and nursery workers) that if they see him sticking his hands down his pants to tell him NO!  Because let's be real that is just disgusting and gross and I'm tired of finding surprises in his fingernails or all over his hands.

Mama, Help Me!

If I've told y'all this story then I apologize if not then great.  Not to long ago Monkey and I were out shopping for Sweet Pea (she was home w/David).  Anyway I'm sure I've mentioned before that Monkey does not like to shop, he hates it but I make him tag along because you know I can't exactly leave him at home even if he does scream like a banshee at times.  Ok well we're looking around Target and his patience (what little there is) is now running thin and he's tired of looking around; oh and he's also mad because I have him strapped in so he can't make a jump for it.  Anyway he's getting mad and can't unbuckle himself and what does he do--he starts screaming "help me, help me!  Mama, help me!"  Ummm can we say embarrassing, and if you're wondering why here it goes.  First off my son is white w/blondish-brown hair and I'm Hispanic so I have a nice dark tan like all year w/black hair and brown eyes.  So I'm thinking great people are going to think I took this kid even though when look at his face and mine we look the same, and luckily I had pictures in my purse to prove that he really is mine.  Eventually he stopped but not before a couple people laughed while others kind of looked at us like what a little brat.  Either way I can totally laugh about now and I did then when we left just at the time it was a bit annoying.  All I know is that he says "help me" all the time and he uses it right but that doesn't mean I want him constantly screaming it.  Oh well I guess I'll just have to teach him something else to say like "I want out!"

Heels Dug In

Yesterday was Tuesday which means I'm taking Sweet Pea to ballet.  Surprisingly she didn't complain the whole time she got dressed and seemed to be ok with going.  Usually her response is "it's too hard", "it takes forever", or "it's boring."  Like I said everything was fine even in the car and then we walk through the door--the moment we do she hit the brakes.  I ask what's wrong and she say she's not going in to dance because she doesn't like it and thinks it's boring.  So of course I tell her I didn't drive all the way out here for her not to dance and that she needed to go in there.  Well I try to get her in the room and she straight up dug her heels in the ground and said "I'm not going in there!"  So then I gave her two options: 1. sit in the classroom and watch or 2. sit with and watch; either way we weren't leaving until class was over.  Well after 5 min of her pouting in the back of the classroom she finally decided to join her class.  I really don't know what to do and this is the worst she's ever been.  My sister thinks that I should take her out but if I do am I sending the wrong message.  I mean she's about to 5 do they really know what they like to do and won't they find reasons to complain (not all the time, but you know what I mean).  Anyway her recital is in May and she's just going to have to tough it out until then.  Any suggestions would be helpful.

My semester has officially started

Sorry I've been a way the past couple of days but school officially started for me on Wed. so I've been printing out my syllabus for each class and trying to get back into the groove of things.  With the start of every semester I always get really nervous and wonder how I'm going to accomplish all of my work, plus the kids, and of course all of the other household things I do.  In case you're wondering David does help me out but usually I have to ask.  Why is it that men have to be asked to do something?  Why can't they just see that stuff needs to be done?  And why can't they be as observant as us?  Ok, ok I'm done with that itty bitty rant-but please feel free to comment on it.

Anyways back to the real subject; so far so good with school.  As for other aspects of my life well Wed. night Monkey came into our room and was running a fever and ended up sleeping in our bed.  He still was running a fever Thurs. morning and he's had this cough on and off but the last couple of days he seems to be coughing more.  So I decided to go ahead and make him a Dr. appt. and I was able to get in yesterday morning.  Well wouldn't you know he has another ear infection, or I guess you could say that the last one never really went away even though I gave him his medicine.  So the Dr. this time around prescribed a stronger antibiotic and I hope it really helps this time around; then I go back in 2 weeks for his 2 yr check-up and for them to look at his ears again.  As for last night he ended up sleeping with us which I don't mind but at times it's not comfortable because he tends to squirm as all kids do.  But I do love him snuggling up to me and wanting me to hold him without all the wiggling so I can handle his few occasional squirms. 

Alright well that's been my week so far in a nutshell and I shall return tomorrow to talk about whatever floats my boat.  Have a great weekend!

The Past 2 Years

I know I already said this but I really can't believe that my little Monkey is 2; I mean it seems like it was only yesterday when I first brought him home.  The other day I was going through the kids closet and I still had his coming home outfit in the closet and it made me think back to how he used to look.  He was so little and skinny that David and I would joke that his legs looked like chicken wings, but he soon plumped out.  Sometimes I wish he was still that little but I think I enjoy this stage a lot more.  I love how he'll run up to me screaming mama and then give me a great big hug, or how he just wants to curl up with me on the couch.  And lately when he sits next to me he has to hold my hand or at least be touching me and everytime it just makes my heart melt.  Even right now he's sitting on my lap and for once actually letting me type without any problems.  I love how he looks when he runs and watching him explore the great outdoors.  What really cracks me up is when he'll grab some tools (real or fake) and then start banging away on stuff because now he's turned into our own little Handy Manny.

Now for some things I really miss.  When he was first born I used to call him my little tree frog because I could lay him on my chest and he fit just perfectly.  I didn't have to hold him in place he would just lay on my chest; but don't worry I did hold him.  I also miss him falling asleep in my arms and just looking down and watch him sleep so peacefully.  Sure I walk into the kids room and just look at them but it's not the same.  I really miss that sweet little baby boy who didn't have to get into EVERYTHING, and constantly find ways to drive me crazy.  Sure I love his exploring side but seriously does everything have to go in your mouth and do you have to climb on every piece of furniture in the house--I guess the answer is "yes mom I do because I'm a boy and that's what we do."

And now for the bittersweet kicker to you turning 2 is that you're now in a big bed.  I love how excited you get knowing you now have your own big bed like your sister to sleep in, but at the same time it makes me sad because I know you'll never be that little again to sleep in a crib.  My little baby boy is growing up and before I know it you'll be starting kindergarten and then from there it'll all become a blur.  But if there is one thing I've learned from Sweet Pea is to enjoy the moments I have with the two of you now so that I can hold on to them forever.

*Off subject but speaking of kindergarten Sweet Pea starts in August and as excited as I am I'm really going to miss having her home with me.  I know it's a part of life and I know how much she's going to love it but doesn't it just seem like it all goes by way to fast?

Judgemental Moms

Today Sweet Pea had ballet and once again I regret the fact that I signed her up for a 2:oo p.m. class.  Hello can we say idiot because it's in the middle of nap time which means Monkey is usually crabby.  However, there are a few times when he's actually pretty good like today.  Everything was going fine until it was time to go, I had the unpleasure of tearing Monkey away from the crayons they had their.  Needless to say he was not a happy camper and proceeded to cry and scream, no maybe howl is a better word.  Anyway here he is throwing a fit and as I'm trying to leave they are all looking at me, no no staring at me as I'm trying to leave.  To try and make him stop I place my hand over his mouth and start patting it-you know where it sounds like they're making Indian sounds-because by that point I'm sure I have blood coming out of my ears; all the while trying to have a smile on my face. 

Now I'm sure something like this has never happened to any of these women because afterall they have so much more wisdom then me.  Ok so here comes my problem.  I have found that no matter where I go I seem to get looks from other moms who are older than I am.  I feel like they take one look at me and judge as if I'm 16 and have no clue to life more or less how to raise children.  EXCUSE ME!  For the record I'm 28 with two kids and while I might not know the meaning to life I do know how to raise my children.  And this isn't the first time I've experienced this or the first place-for example playgrounds.  Now I understand that in today's society it's normal for women in their mid 30's to early 40's to start a family but seriously what makes these women so much more wiser then me at 28 when it comes to children.  I know I can't be the only one who has felt like this or has even had this happen to.  I mean do you ever feel scrutinized by some of these women. 

And let's not stop there because I know there are older moms out there who feel just like me, except they're having moms around my age judging them.  Why is that?!?  I personally don't think age should be an issue but for some reason it is.  I don't know about any of you but I would think motherhood would be a bond for us; something that we all have in common.  We've all been through the sleepless nights, the worrying, and the adjustments to all that being a mom brings and yet there are many of us who can't seem to get along with anyone.  

Now please don't get me wrong there are some really nice moms at her dance studio who have been really nice to me, but there are always those few moms who just kind of look down at everyone else.

Anyway I just had to get this off my chest because today was the straw that broke this mama's back.  And I knew that I could come on here and vent because I know with all of you other moms out there I'm not alone and that you would totally understand.  So thank you ladies for being there and listening to me, and seriously what would I do if I didn't have y'all and my sister to talk to.  Oh I know drive David even more crazy than I do now.

TOTW: Toys

I know I haven't done a Mommy Talk in a long time but I've decided to pick it back up again.  The one sight that would host Mommy Talk is no longer doing it but instead has a link to a forum that has topics of the week-TOTW: Toys - Baby Talkers Forums-this is last weeks topic but I think it's an interesting one.

toys, toys, toys... how much is too much (same thing with clothes)!?!

What is an appropriate amount of toys for a child to have? Do you find yourself always looking for new toys or the next best thing? Do you go to friends' houses and see a toy and say to yourself "my kid has to have that"? How much is too much? What are your child's favorite toys? Are they even REAL toys??

I can't say what I think is an appropriate amount of toys because I don't think it matters how much or little my kids have it would be scattered all over the floor.  But at the same time I don't think it's necessary to go out and buy every single hot new toy that comes out because really it all that stuff would get to be to much.  Oooo I just thought of a toy that we have WAY, WAY, to much of and I've told family to not buy anymore-STUFFED ANIMALS.  Seriously folks the amount of stuffed animals we have is a bit ridiculous.  Most of them are Sweet Peas and Monkey has a few but not nearly as many.  Anyways I have them tied to a rope hanging from the ceiling-I'll post a pic soon-which thankfully has kept them off the floor.  As for the ones that wouldn't fit on the rope I decided if they were worthy enough to keep and if not then off to the goodwill.

Which brings up another thing how often do you go thru toys.  As for me I go thru when I can't stand all the little messes everywhere; which is about every few months.  Most of the toys that throw out are the McDonald's toys, because really they aren't toys.  David doesn't like the idea of giving their toys away because of space issues so instead I box the good ones up like all the infant toys; you know just in case ;)  But for big stuff we haven't done anything with them because just when I think they don't play with it I'll see them dragging it out and having a good time.  Now I do realize in a couple of years Sweet Pea could grow out of playing with her Dora Castle and then I'll have to decide what to do but until then I guess I won't worry about it.  And Monkey just plays with whatever but makes the biggest mess out of all the Little People stuff. 

Alright I know my answer wasn't profound or really even helpful so you can imagine the mess I have pick up every day.  But what about you moms and dads out there-any tips of what you do, or when you think enough is enough.

Sacrifices of being a sahm

 "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse."

"Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself."-Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

 

July 16: What sacrifices have you made as a SAHM or a Working Mom?

Ok before I get into today's mommy talk I have to tell y'all about the little stunt my Monkey tried to pull.  Alright well I was cleaning up some stuff and I start to hear him cry and then Sweet Pea yells "Mom he's crying and won't stop."  So I go over to see the problem because at first I thought she took his toy-nope that wasn't the problem.  The problem was he climbed into the entertainment center where you put the stero, anyways he gets in there turns himself around and then freaks because he's to scraed to turn around or to let himself fall out.  Well being the loving mom I am I took one look started laughing and got the camera.  And yes after I took the picture I got him out and gave him a big hug and kiss.  I haven't seen him try to crawl up in there since.

Ok now back to Mommy Talk.  Never in a million years did I ever see myself as a sahm but that all changed the moment Sweet Pea came in to the world.  I was able to stay home for awhile, then went back to work and realized that I didn't want to miss out of her life and plus I wanted another baby.  Deciding to be a sahm wasn't the easiest decision because David and knew that financially it would be hard and it has been but it's been worth it watching my kids grow.  Not only that but I don't have a degreee (currently in shcool) and I knew whatever job I find would be enough to pay for daycare and with very, very little in the end.  So really with two kids it's kind of pointless, oh and I was always in daycare and didn't want that for my kids.  Now please here me I don't think there is anything wrong with daycares and my mom had to because it was only her.  But for me and my family I really wanted to be the one to take care of them and see all their firsts .

Second sacrifice: being around other adults.  I love my kids but man do I miss having a real conversation with an adult.  I've tried playdates-don't get me started, I'll save that for another day.  I miss meeting new people and getting to interact with adults.  But I have made some good friends at church, and since blogging y'all have helped soooo much.  Oh and since Ashly stays home I talk to her all day too.  Seriously though being able to blog and talk to other moms has been such a blessing to me because even though I don't see any of y'all face-to-face I'm still getting the adult interaction I need.

So what about y'all out there what are the sacrifices any of you have made by working or staying home.

Pregnancy Weight

"There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it... "

 ”You see, before he came down here, it never snowed. And afterwards, it did. If he weren’t up there now… I don’t think it would be snowing. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it.”-Edward Scissorhands

Since I wasn't here on July 2 I thought I would go ahead and answer the question today.  And here it is; July 2: How hard was it for you to lose your pregnancy weight and keep it off?

For me losing the weight has been pretty difficult.  At first I couldn't understand how I just couldn't drop the weight in a snap.  I was 24 when I had Sweet Pea and I thought my metabolism was still fast enough to help shed the pounds-WRONG!  If anything it became as slow as molasses.  In my younger days I didn't have a problem maintaining a healthy weight or even being able to loose a couple of pounds, and now I was still carrying all this fat.  Ok so with Sweet Pea I gained 30 lbs and only lost maybe 10 lbs.  So I went from being 130 lbs to now 160 lbs-and this was very hard for me to deal with.  I have a chubby face and this only made it worse.  But the realization of how I looked came after I saw some pictures of myself at her 1st birthday party-OMG!  I kind of started watching what I eat and I was working and I was able to shed some fat.

Now onto when I was prego with Chunky Monkey: I think I weighed around 150 lbs and gained 20 lbs so now I was a whopping 170 lbs.  As of now I weigh 165 lbs and I look bigger now then I did when he was first born; or at least I think I do.  Maybe my weight has redistributed itself.  What I do know is that I hate looking at myself naked in the mirror.  I just don't find myself as attractive as I did before my kids, but I know how lucky I am to have a husband that not only thought I was sexy while pregnant but he thinks I'm sexy now even when I don't.  I wish I could say that with this May Challenge I've really stepped it up a notch but I haven't.  I work out only 1-2 times per week and don't always watch what I eat.  I know how important it is for my health for me to loose the weight, and I want to teach my children the importance of staying healthy.  Now don't think I want to be a size 5 or something but I would be happy with either a size 8 or 10.  I went from a 14/16 to now a size 12 and sometimes on a really good day I can fit into a 10.  I just need to be committed to change in my eating lifestyle and realize that I'm not 18 anymore and I can't always eat what I want.

Biggest Challenges of Motherhood

"I know we could both go on with our lives and we'd both be fine, but I've seen what we could be like together. And I choose us."

July 9: Your biggest challenge of motherhood: how things were when baby was first born, how things changed as time went on and what type of challenges are you facing right now?

I've kind of talked about the struggles I've had before and hopefully you won't mind me talking about some of them again.  At first one of the hugest challenges for me was getting used to a new routine.  One minute you go from being able to sleep all night and maybe even sleeping in a little in the morning to interrupted sleep all night long.  I had read how often you have to wake up through the night but to experience it first hand was rough.  I was exhausted everday for at least the first 3 months, and how I managed everything I don't even have a clue.  But let me tell you when they finally slept through the night I was in heaven because seriously when was the last time you were able to sleep a whole 7 hours straight.

But the biggest struggle was my hormones, they were so out of whack that I was driving myself crazy.  And then you top off bringing a new born baby home for the first time and whoa you better watch out.  I was seriously overwhelmed when I brought Sweet Pea home.  David helped but really had no experience with kids and definetly not with babies.  So I often felt that I was expected to know exactly what to do, and I also felt that I was constantly being criticized on how I was raising her.

As of now I have more confidence in my parenting ablilites, and things were easier the second time around.  Yes there were some adjustments to make but overall a lot easier.  And yet now I'm facing a whole new set of issues, for example Sweet Pea discovering real independence served with a little attitude on the side.  She is definetly my drama queen but man can it be exhausting.  My Monkey, however, is for the most part very easy going but when he wants he can be the most stubborn person I know.  It doesn't matter how many time I tell him "no" he still insists on getting into things and then laughs when I get on to him.

But overall I wouldn't change any of the experiences I've had with my children because they have made my life and absoulute joy and very interesting.  So for any of you who have read this let me know about some of struggles then and now.  Have a great day!

Favorite Baby Items

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

 

What was your favorite baby item that you could not live without?

I remember how much fun but exhausting it was making sure we had everything we needed before Sweet Pea was born.  I mean the list of what babies need can be overwhelming, however, I had so much fun shopping for each of them that it was well worth it.  What can I say I loooove to shop, and really what girl doesn't.  Now for my list:

Boudreaux Butt Paste- This stuff is just awesome and if you've never tried it then you really should.  I mean this stuff will clear a diaper rash in no time. 

Boppy Pillow-Even though I had trouble breastfeeding this pillow was still very useful.  It helped with them sitting up, laying on their stomachs and of course feedings.

Since I wasn't able to breastfeed I found these bottles to be the best and I used them for both of my kiddos-loved them.

Ahh yes who can forget the binkies.  For me they were a godsend and I feel for the moms whose babies won't take them.  Sweet Pea loved her binky so much I thought we would never break her from it but luckily we did-I think she was 18 months.  As for Chunky Monkey he liked it every once in awhile and by 7 months we quit giving it to him all together because he didn't need it anymore.

I loved this thing-Evenflo Exersaucer.  This is the exact same one I used with my Monkey but not with SP.  However, they both really loved this toy and so did I because it allowed me to clean and not worry about them getting into anything.

Ok there you go those are some of the things that I really loved and helped me out with each of my kids.  Let me know about some of the items that you couldn't live without I'm always interested.

 

 

 

 

Mommy Talk-First Days Home

"What say we settle this on the runway... Han-Solo?  Are you challenging me to a walk-off... Boo-Lander?" 
 

“In telling the story of my father’s life, it’s impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn’t always make sense and most of it never happened… but that’s what kind of story this is.”-        Big Fish

What was it like going home from the hospital for you? Did your baby have any medical issues?

Sweet Pea:  I remember the day I brought her home, I was so excited and scared because now it would just be us and her.  I thought everything would be rosy, you know birds chirping in the background and me walking around with this silly smile because I just knew I could handle everything-WRONG!  Everything seemed to go pretty well until that night.  She cried and cried and no matter what we did it was like nothing was making her happy.  I mean I changed her, rocked her, and fed her.  Ok the feeding would work but then as soon as she was done she would just start crying again.  I remember thinking where is that nurse button and why did they not tell me she was like this.  Then just as I'm running out of ideas, David pipes in saying "well isn't there something you can do, I mean you are a girl shouldn't you know about this kind of stuff."  If she hadn't been in my arms I would have slapped the crap out of him, but lucky for him I was holding Sweet Pea, however, I did give him the diritiet look I had and said "Just because I'm a woman does not mean I automatically know how to be a mother.!" 

I thought after all of the books and magazines I read that I would be ready to handle all motherhood had to offer, but I should have none better after the birth I had with her.  For me the next week was horrible because every night and sometimes day were the same.  The only way she would sleep would be with me laying on the couch at like three in the morning in the most uncomfortable position then she would lay peacefully on my chest.  By the end of the week I thought I had lost my mind and questioned myself if I would ever be a good mother. I cried all the time which didn't make anything better for Sweet Pea.  I never admitted it to anyone but looking back I see that I was suffering from post-partum depression.  Sure I read about it but I didn't see how one could feel that way after bringing home a precious sweet little baby.  Everytime I talked to my mom or sister I would be balling saying "I can't do this, I'm not fit to be a mother, I don't even know how to calm her down and I've tried everything all those books and magazines said."  They were both very supportive and assured I was not a terrible mom and that sometimes it takes some time to get adjusted. Hearing it from my mom meant a lot to me and having her tell me that I wasn't a terrible mom seem to make me feel a little better-until....

After one week of trying to breastfeed I had called it quits.  By the end of the week I was cringing everytime I had to feed her because it hurt so bad I was dreading it. But the straw that broke this camel's back was having my cracked nipple bleed in her mouth ( it wasn't much just a little but it still freaked me out ).  Now before this happened I seriously didn't think I had enough milk inside of me or that I was doing everything wrong because she was constatnly hungry and never seemed satisfied.  Oh and I did put Lanolin on all the time but it didn't seem to work.  Well when the cracked nipple incident happened I started balling and David said that my crying everytime I fed her wasn't normal and that maybe I should call the dr. and ask about formula.  That was the last thing I wanted to do because I knew how important breast milk was but I went ahead and called and he said if I wanted to, to go ahead and give her the formula I had gotten from the hospital-Enfamil Lipil.  As soon as I gave it to her she gulped it all down, I burped her, and then I gave her to David so I could call my mom. 

I called her and started cying uncontrollably-looking back I feel bad for calling her like that because she thought something was really wrong.  I told her I was a terrible mother because I could no longer keep trying to breastfeed her.  What a great mom, she assured me that I wasn't a terrible mother because at least I tried and some don't even do that.  But you know what after giving her that first bottle she was a totally different baby.  She was so happy and calm and then so was I.  We became insync with each other and we were able to enjoy each other the way I had thought we would the first day I brought her home.

Chunky Monkey:  This time around I was once again determined to breastfeed, I even tried it right after he was born since I read it was good to do that.  Well I thought things were going well until the third time I had to feed him.  The nurse brought him, and I ask her to stay because I knew I needed help after all the problems I had with Sweet Pea.  So I'm trying to do it myself and I'm having no luck, so I look at the nurse in desperation and she's trying to help.  Well she's holding his head trying to get him to latch on and he's screaming at the top of his little lungs, face turning red and he's shaking his head back and forth.  Again after all I went thru I didn't want to go thru all of it again so I asked them to bring me a bottle.  Turns out he was hungry but just didn't want to latch on, but he sure did drink that bottle.  So halfway thru I go to burp him and what does he do, he throws it all up, and I mean throw up.  I knew that couldn't be normal so I called the nurse and she said to try and give him the rest of the bottle and see what happens-I do and the same thing happens again.  I call them back and explain that Sweet Pea had the same problems and she ended up having to be on Prosobee Lipil.  They brought me that formula and all was pretty much better. 

Now to us bringing him home-a complete difference.  He was so calm and slept all the time I couldn't believe it.  The only problem we had was having to wake him up to feed him.  I mean we would have to undress him just to get him to eat and that didn't always work.  We also tried tickiling his feet and a cold washcloth.  My mil couldn't understand why we just wouldn't let him sleep because he would let us know when he was hungry-and he did.  By the second month he was eating every 3 hrs-like clockwork.

The only problem we had with him was his acid reflux.  No matter how often we burped him he would have projectile spit-up.  I kept calling the dr. asking them what else I could do because nothing was working.  After a while they prescribed him some medicine which seem to help a little bit but it didn't get better until he started eating solids.  But overall things went a lot more smoothly but I did already have some experience so I felt more prepared.  Luckily for me I had David home for the first two weeks-week 1 consisted of him helpling while week 2 he was just there incase I needed him.  Afterall I had to find a routine since I now had two kiddos to take care of.  And I surprised myself because it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

Birth Stories, and My Weekend

 "You tell 'em I'M coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear?... "

Benny boo boo… boo boo boo!-How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days I love this movie.

This weeks Mommy Talk is about birth stories and since I've already written about mine before here are the links: My-First-Go-Round, and Round-2.  Hope you enjoy them!

 Alright well I think I will talk about my weekend if none of you mind.  Ok well Saturday wasn't very interesting for at least the first part of the day.  Unless you can't cleaning the kitchen, sweeping the floor, and doing some laundry interesting.  Actually I was quite surprised with myself since I wasn't in the mood to do anything, but now that I have a mp3 I find house work a bit more enjoyable.  As for Saturday night I was at church and once again it was another awesome night.  Ok quick story-That night I told myself that I was not going up for prayer since I did the night before.  Now I know some who say that we should get all the prayer we need since what could prayer hurt.  And in truth I do believe that we all could use prayer whether for ourselves or for those we love.  But as for me I guess I didn't want to look like one those who has to be up there for every prayer calling; do you get me?  Anyways one of the girls asked me to go up there because it wouldn't hurt, I said no I'm going to hang back here.  Well guess what Daniel (evangelist) said that God said all those who are wanting to go into ministry should come up so he could pray for them.  Well wouldn't you know that's me, and I of course made my way up front.  Apparently God figured I needed to be up there that night, and afterwards Sharla and I had a good laugh about it.

You wouldn't believe how tire I was yesterday morning, I mean just getting out of bed took way to much effort but I did it.  So to say I was ready to teach and help with kids church was asking a lot from me.  Now onto Sunday, first off yesterday marked as my first day to teach a Sunday school class (Jr. High).  I only had two kids and they should up about half-way thru but that's ok because I was glad to have someone there.  This month I also signed up to do Kids Church which goes on during big service.  Thankfully by then the coke I drank that morning was finally kicking in and I was able to have some energy for the kids.  But after church I went home skipped lunch and took a nap.  I repeat I skipped lunch-wonder what the scale will say tomorrow.  But I had to have a nap because last night started our Kids Krusade-it's like VBS.  Sweet Pea was of course really, really, really excited, and I was also volunteered to be a helper.  Someone please ask me what I was thinking to tackle on three new things in one day-am I nuts or what!?!  Let me tell you that it was a blast and we had so much fun dancing, singing, and playing games.  Then the best part happened.  Toward the end of it they explain to the kids about accepting Jesus in your heart and if you would like to make that commitment to please come down to the front.  So of course Sweet Pea turns and asks me and I break it down for her because she's 4.  Well she said she loves Jesus and wants him in her heart and so she goes up to the front.  They ask for the helpers to come up and I do and stand with her and we say the prayer together.  It was so awesome and I was so happy to not only see her but many other kids make that choice.  Now I just pray that she always want to live for Him and that she won't have to go thru the things I went thru, and hopefully she will learn from my mistakes because the road I went down is not one I would wish on either one of my kids.  But I'm sure we as parents all feel that exact same way.

Favorite Maternity Items

"Why do you like them so much?  Because they stand upon a wall and say, "Nothing's going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch."

As for yesterday's quote it was Saving Private Ryan.

What was your favorite maternity "could not do without" items?

First off out of all of the books and magazines I read my favorite was "What To Expect When Your Expecting."  I don't know what I would have done without this book, I mean it had everything and anything you could think of when it comes to pregnancy.  And I even turned to it with my second one just to refresh myself. 

The other items I couldn't live without and still can't are my pillows.  I had to have at least 2-3 pillows which didn't of course leave room for David but hey when you have a big belly I think it should be all about comfort. 

As for my last fav item it's not so much an item as it is a store-drumroll please....TARGET!  Seriously I don't know what I would have done with out our Target.  First let me say I loved this store before I was preggo, as for when I was they had the cutest clothes that weren't overly priced.  I had so much fun going over there and shopping for new tops, bottoms, and with the last one a swim suit that was really cute.

Baby Names

 

Baby names on your list...what names did you choose, and why?

I think like most girls many of us have thought about names for our future children, and why not-that's the next best thing to finding out the sex of your baby.  So you better believe once I found out what I was having I started making my list of names.  I think the weirdest part was after looking at all the names all of sudden on would just jump out and I knew that that was there name.  Many people asked me how I could decide on one name and not have a backup incase they didn't look like that name.  And all I could say is that I just knew deep down that it's what they were meant to be called, and I've never regretted my decision ok well with my second I almost changed his name but in the end he has the right name.

Sweet Pea: When it came to what we would name her David pretty much left it up to me, but he would tell if he liked it or not.  So here are the names I choose-Alexandra, Alexis, Jacqueline, Shelby, and Taylor.  Shelby was the name that I was really stuck on and planned on naming her until one day at work we were talking about names and then somebody said the name Madison-that was it for me.  Once I heard that name I knew that was what I wanted to call her.  As for the popularity I didn't really think about it and sometimes I wish I would have but then again I can't see her as anything but a Madison; the name certainly suits her. 

Chunky Monkey: Now when it came to naming him David was next to impossible on choosing a name for him.  I think he figured since I named Madison he should choose the name for our son-the whole I'm a guy and I know what sounds good kind of thing.  First off he and I couldn't agree on any name.  Here is what I wanted to name him-Alexander, Chaz, Chase, Micah (this is the name I really wanted).  David came up with Donovan, and Marcus, and then finally one day he said Joshua.  That was the one name we agreed on and I knew that was his name.  Ok well that's what I thought until about 2 months before the due date.  He was out working at a church and started talking to the Pastor, they talked about their kids and he said his son's name was Asher Calvery.  How awesome is that name; I'm telling you for the last two months of my pregnancy that was what I wanted to name him but David put his foot down and said "NO" since we already had it all picked out and told everyone.  But once I saw my little guy I knew he was meant to be called Joshua and the name fits him just right.

But let me tell you if I ever have another boy that is the name I'm choosing no doubt about it.  Now here's my question do you think I could name a girl that or is it more of a boy name, I'm thinking boy but I want to know what y'all think. 

 

 

Mommy Talk #5

 

Today's Question: Did you find out the sex of your baby, why or why not?  Honest...did you have what you were hoping for?

Growing up I was one of those kids who snooped around the house to find out what I was getting for Christmas/Birthday.  And yes I'm still like that only now I feel really guilty when I find out so I've gotten better.  So when the chance came to find out what we were going to have you better believe I wanted to know, and so did David.  Now before the big day came I had had a dream that I was going to have a girl and I kept asking David if he would be ok if we had little girl.  He of course said yes but I know deep down he wanted to have a boy first and then a girl.  As for me I always wanted one of each but I wanted to have a boy first so she could have a big brother to take care of her.  In the end it didn't matter to either one of us because all that did matter was that our baby was healthy.  Ok back to the story-we found out the day before Thanksgiving.  I remember praying that morning that the baby would let us see and it all worked out because the dr. said "you're going to have a little girl."  David and I looked at each other and we both had "happy tears."  We were so happy and laughing and then she showed us how we could tell, she points and says "see it looks like a hamburger."  When she said that David and I just cracked up laughing, I mean come on you have to admit it's pretty funny.  Anyway we went home to tell everyone they were all excited about getting dresses-you know all the frilly stuff.  Then what does David say "great, now there is going to be two people in the house with p.m.s."-he must have forgot to include himself since I swear men get it too, but that topic is for another day.  But really folks we were both so happy when we found out we were having a girl and that she was healthy, and me not being a girly-girl I never would have thought I would love buying all the frilly stuff but I do and I love finding hair bows to match, oh and of course shoes.

Now on the second-I don't know if the feelings I had were the same or that I just wanted to really believe that the second time around I would have a boy.  I went and saw the same dr. because she was absoulutly awesome.  Anyways I'm laying there on the table hoping we'll be able to see and she says "I think you're having a boy." 

Me: OMG! Are you serious.

Dr.: Well hold on and let me make sure....yes you are definitely having a boy.

Me: I cried and then I look at David and he just has this shocked look on his face, he obviously couldn't believe it.  Oh and when we got the sonogram picture there's my little guy not being shy about showing us that yes he is a boy. :)

And of course I call everyone as soon as we got out and then once again I headed out to the stores to go and register for boy stuff.  Now I admit buying boy clothes isn't as nearly as much fun as buying little girls but I still loved picking stuff out.   I'm so happy and thankful that God has blessed me with two beautiful babies who continue to surprise and amaze me everyday.  If and when we have a third I just might let it be a surprise since I do have one of each, but then again curiosity just might get the best of me.

!Happy Mother's Day!

 I hope everyone is having a great day and I can't wait to hear what you all did.  And don't worry I will fill you in on what we did first thing Monday morning.